Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
