so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
