when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
