I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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