I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
