i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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