Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
