Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
