My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Floor bacon is actually really good
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
