VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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