The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
