I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
