Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
