I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
