bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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