Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
