WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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