he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
