dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
