just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize