I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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