And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I wish I could teleport
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
