physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
