I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
