I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
