do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize