Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
