I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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