i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
