Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
