just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
