So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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