there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
