Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
