Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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