He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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