im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
