I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
