Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
