I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
