guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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