They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
