WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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