I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
