We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
