evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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