If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
