where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
