that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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