I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
