Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
