I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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