i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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