Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
love makes seman taste better
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
