His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
