There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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