i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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