Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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