You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize