Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
