Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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