Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
