She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize