thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
