Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
