I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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