I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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