this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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