Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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