he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
