i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
