but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
