A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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