wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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