I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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