I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
