seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
