it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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