Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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