doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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