I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
