I am puke
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
