Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
