I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
