I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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