watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
