my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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