Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
