My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i think im in europe. pls send help
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
