Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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