Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
