i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
