Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
