You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize