Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
