what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
