hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
