I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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