Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
