dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
