I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
