I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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